Kirk has a breakdown
by GaHoolianGirl100
Summary: And also meets the Doctor, Sam Winchester, Sherlock and John and a bunch of Tumblr people. If I summarized anymore you'd think you were high instead of reading a crack fic. Rated T for curses and refers to crack that makes themselves since the kind of story it is, is a crack fic oh forget it just read it.


**This Is based off the best and craziest crossover crack a Tumblr ask blog ever created. I present to you, the first ever SuperWhoTrekLock fic ever written! I didn't put this is crossovers because it crossed over too many things. Warning: This is total crack. Like you could get high from reading it. I owe this to : high-flying-fan, spocks-and-sandals, because-space husbands, and forever-suite. I love you all! :) I'm sorry if I portray you badly, I'm just portraying you as the character you took on. **

The day began like any other. Jim Kirk awoke, cleaned himself up, and headed for the bridge. Halfway through the walk he was met by his Vulcan companion Spock. They exchanged greetings. They walked to the bridge. Jim sat in his chair and Spock sat at his station. They explored space. They did things. They succeeded at those things.

But everything changed when the ensigns attacked.

As they walked back to their quarters, our favorite duo was accosted by a young ensign. She seemed bubbly enough. A large smile, an obviously curious but something else too kinda nasty but they should probably just ignore, air about her. She grinned widely at them. "Hi! I'm new aboard. I just wanted to say hi, and thank you both for being awesome!"

Kirk grinned. "No problem." He shot her a wink.

Spock nodded. "You are most welcome. Though for us being 'awesome', we are just naturally that way."

"Someone's got a big ego, huh?" Kirk crossed his arms.

"I was just replying as you would Captain."

"HEY!"

The girl giggled. For now, we shall call her SS. "You know you two, people have thought you guys were cute since the 1960s! That's like 250 years ago!"

Kirk grinned again. "Sweet! That sounds-"

He froze. "How could people think we're cute...over two centuries...before we existed?"

She gave him a look that said 'You really don't know? Stupid.' He glared at her. She continued, appearing cheerful yet condescending.

"I have a friend you can just refer to him as the Doctor-who can travel anywhere in space or time! We have so much fun trolling Starfleet by sneaking on to Starships unauthorized."

"Now that sounds like my kinda doctor! Bones could learn a thing or two from him!" Kirk exclaimed, blatantly ignoring the fact that she admitted to sneaking on the ship because how could she be new on a five year mission two years in? Nevertheless, he turned to Spock, who was standing rigid, his right eye twitching. Kirk laughed and looked at SS again.

"That's just him trying not to lecture us on rule breaking," he said comically, gesturing to Spock

"Well, this Doctor of hers as the ability to travel through time and space. He therefore sounds like someone who should not be trifled with."

Out of nowhere, another you ensign popped up next to SS. We could call her HFF, but we're not. Why? Because I, the Mun and creator of this world, said so. We are going to cal her Mari. Because reasons. Continuing on. Mari also has a large smile on her face, but had a strong feeling of clumsiness radiating around her.

"Time isn't straight forward it's more like a ball of wibbly wobbly timey-wimey... Stuff," she suddenly announced, as if she had been there for the entire conversation. Spock blinked slowly and answered her hesitantly.

"I suppose it is. Even how you perceive it changes and differs from person to person."

SS nodded. "Yup. I heard him say that once. He's a time lord. Surely you've been to Gallifrey, Captain?"

He shook his head. "Nope. Heard of it though. They have control of space and time and stuff, right?"

"We wish to go there one day though."

She nodded. "Last time I was here, and spoke to Mr. Chekov, he seemed to have an extensive knowledge of Gallifrey."

Kirk smiled. "Oh wow maybe I should-wait..." he glared at her " 'last time?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Just how many times have you been on the Enterprise?"

Kirk' glare turned deadly. "How many times have you been aboard my ship without me knowing!?"

Mari popped up again, briefly switching the Captain's attentions. "Well Gallifrey is gone it was like destroyed so there is nothing there no lords no nothing. Sorry to burst your exploration bubble."

Kirk looked down. "That bites...wait, we have time travel! We still might be able to go. The bubble is still intact."

Spock tilted his head to the side. "Bubble, Captain? I see no bubble in the vicinity."

Kirk sighed. "I'll explain later."

SS coughed noisily, turning the focus to her again. No clue why she did that because Kirk was angry and wanted answer she probably didn't want to give but whatever it's her choice. Kirk gave her a look that said "Tell why and how many times you've been on my ship?" Well he may of actually said that but no one remembers.

She chuckled nervously. "Heh...I'm definitely not using the Wifi aboard the ship to project myself here in front of you using Tumblr even though it was not made to do that..." She rocked on her heels. When Kirk looked ready to strangle her, she, with a Chesire cat grin, zipped out, her holographic form no longer in front of them. Kirk and Spock exchanged a long look. After moments of silent deliberation, Kirk announced "I'm going to find her."

Spock put a hand on his shoulder. "Do not harm her. She was courteous enough to compliment us."

Kirk nodded in assent. "Alright. I just have a few questions if my own," he paused for a good long moment, for honestly no reason then for what he thought was dramatic effect "Like we have Wifi here!?"

Mari popped in front of him, and his attention quickly changed to her. "Gallifrey is in a time lock so nothing can get in time travel or not."

Kirk sighed. "Ah well. We can still read about if, and from what that girl said, One survived, so maybe we can meet him!"

Spock nodded. "Indeed."

Mari smiled widely again. "Actually the Doctor put Gallifrey in a time lock saving the galaxy, and the universe too!"

Kirk's smile grew. "This guy just keeps getting cooler and cooler!"

Spock once again nodded his assent. "I too very much wish to meet him now."

She looked a bit sad. "You may never met the doctor he's very tricky and can change his face when he dies," before Kirk or Spock could say anything, she grinned as evilly as SS before she admitted what she really was so they should have expected it but whatever it's too late now "I may also be projecting myself on Tumblr through the ship's Wifi."

"GODAMMIT!" Kirk exclaimed "I everyone on that damn website on my ship!? Is there a secret Tumblr room or something!?"

Spock attempted to calm him down "Captain, you are starting to sound like Dr. McCoy" but it was to no avail as it usually isn't.

"Well who wouldn't react like Bones when they find out that there are young stowaways om his ship!?"

Her grin only grew on Chesire cat-ish as she spoke. "Yes, Captain there is a secret Tumblr room, and we have always been there and I most certainly have not been stealing you and Spock's clothing, wait what."

Spock looked over to his Captain and saw his shoulders shaking and his face turning red.

Even Spock kinda...well you assume he was nervous from what he said. "Captain...This does not look good. I do not not know what to make if this situation."

Kirk's fuse seemed to have burnt out, because he snapped. "WHY THE BLEEEEP (IT IS CENSORED BECAUSE MUN DECREED IT TO BE SO) DID NO ONE TELL ME!? I AM CAPTAIN OF THIS-what, what my clothes? Is that where all my underwear and socks have been going?"

All Mari would give him was an unapologetic smile, and a sock to the face.

**There you have it. I attempted to make funny. Is funny? Review and tell. I'm going to continue anyway, but what do you guys think? Is it good enough to continue?**


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